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Essay comparison analysis

Drag the middle slider to compare the differences between the excellent essay and the essay to be improved. Through comparison, you can better understand what writing style is more popular.

Prompt 1 – Leadership Experience

“CAPITALISM CAUSES EXTINCTION! NUCLEAR WAR IS IMMINENT!” Initially, debate seemed nonsensical: lambasting opponents while arguing improbable scenarios. But over time I’ve learned that it’s more than competition that drives me to stay up all night looking for evidence: I love learning about the political and ideological underpinnings of our society and the way they shape us. On an easy debate tournament weekend, I research foreign diplomatic agendas and synthesize the information into coherent debate evidence. When tournaments become more hectic, however, I delve deeper into the works of philosophers and social critics and translate the knowledge into debate argumentation. While researching foreign policy, critical theory like Heideggerian phenomenology and constitutional details, I’ve developed an ability to critically analyze argumentation, make sense of the world around me and creatively express myself in an academic setting. My hard work has paid off. In the past four tournaments, I’ve received a Top 10 speaker award for the varsity division consisting of about 50 debaters. This trend has increased my credibility in my debate league to such a level that my partner and I were invited to participate in a series of public debates at LA City Hall to defend the water policy for the drought. The opportunity allowed me to actually impact the public’s awareness and accept a larger responsibility in the workings of my community. More importantly, however, debate has taught me to strategically choose my battles. When I prepare my arguments, I know that I can’t use all of them in the end of a round. I have to focus. I’ve learned to maximize my strengths and not try to conquer everything. Moreover, I’ve learned to be responsible with my choices; a wrong argument can mean losing if we can’t defend well. Not only do I now know how to zoom in from a bigger picture, but I also know how to pick the right place to zoom in to so I can achieve my goal. Debate has turned me into a responsible, optimizing, scrutinizing and strategizing orator.

Word count: 337

Transfer-CopilotAI analysis

Excellent essay feature analysis

  • 💫Clear leadership narrative with measurable impact (Top-10 speaker; public debate invitation).
  • 💫Strong cause-effect reflection shows growth and values alignment.
  • 💫Quantified achievements back up claims—an admissions best-practice. :contentReference[oaicite:11]{index=11}
  • 💫Word count fits UC 350-word ceiling. :contentReference[oaicite:12]{index=12}
Transfer-CopilotRecommended reference
AI analysis credibility
98%

Prompt 4 – Educational Opportunity / Cultural Insight

When Grandma moved into my home in my sophomore year, she always made the most scrumptious foods. She usually started with a base of garlic-ginger paste in some oil—duck fat because she said it gave her food extravagant flavors. She would gather the lamb she had bought from the market that day and butcher it before throwing it in the pot. Spices would start to be poured in slowly. Her final result: biryani. Most essays start this way: a really narrative introduction. Typically it isn’t bad, but the problem I have is deciding how much detail is too much. Sometimes I think about how the scent travels around the house. Perhaps I should describe how she toasts her spices. She would make so much that the leftovers became my lunch. But the kids at school looked at me strangely; their faces shriveled, mouths frowned. I hoped they were judging someone else. After all, it couldn’t possibly be me because I was a pretty laid-back individual. But it turned out they were. Did I offend them? Did I now commit a sin I was yet unaware of?

Word count: 186

🔍

Transfer-CopilotAI analysis

Smart optimization suggestions

  • 💡Focuses on grandmother’s cooking process, not on the applicant—fails “show who you are” requirement. :contentReference[oaicite:14]{index=14}
  • 💡No clear reflection or takeaway; admissions readers can’t map it to UC comprehensive-review factors. :contentReference[oaicite:15]{index=15}
  • 💡Tone drifts into negativity and self-pity, which can alienate reviewers.
  • 💡Pretentious phrasing (“sin I was yet unaware of”) sounds inauthentic.
  • 💡Spends 100+ words on sensory description, leaving little space (350 max). :contentReference[oaicite:16]{index=16}
Transfer-CopilotTo be improved
AI analysis credibility
95%

Find belonging in the programming community

Target school: UC Berkeley | Current word count: 320

87Overall score
Story structure92

The story structure is complete, the transition is natural, and the effect of the first and last paragraphs is good

Personal characteristics88

The unique technical perspective and community contribution spirit are shown

Language expression85

The words are accurate, but some descriptions can be more vivid

Theme fit84

Highly契合Berkeley的创新精神

AI optimization suggestions

Structure optimizationSuggestions

It is recommended to strengthen the connection between the second paragraph and the theme

Content deepeningImportant

More specific technical contribution details can be added

Language improvementReference

The emotional expression in the third paragraph can be more细腻

Essay revision history

32024-03-15
Word count: 300AI suggestions: 5Human edits: 8
The specific description of technical contributions is strengthened
The emotional elevation of the ending paragraph is optimized
The paragraph order is adjusted to improve logic
22024-03-10
Word count: 260AI suggestions: 7Human edits: 12
Specific examples of community projects are added
The story of the beginning is improved
The transition paragraph is simplified
12024-03-05
Word count: 280AI suggestions: 10Human edits: 15
The draft framework is completed
The core story line is determined
The basic argument is built

UC essay preferences analysis

UC transfer essay PIQ 1

Word limit: 350
Core themes
Innovation spiritCommunity impactMulticulturalismAcademic enthusiasm
Unique preferences

The key is to show how the applicant promotes innovation and social progress

Recommended topics
  • Innovative project experience
  • Community service contribution
  • Cross-cultural exchange
  • Overcoming technical challenges
Avoid topics
  • ×Overly common growth experiences
  • ×Achievements without personal insight
  • ×Vague ideal descriptions

UC transfer essay PIQ 2

Word limit: 350
Core themes
LeadershipCreativityResilienceTeamwork
Unique preferences

The key is to show how the applicant promotes innovation and social progress

Recommended topics
  • Leadership
  • Artistic creation
  • Sports spirit
  • Cultural identity
Avoid topics
  • ×Overly emphasize academic achievements
  • ×Lack of personal reflection
  • ×Simple activity list

Transfer-Copilot exclusive features

💡"Analyze my essay structure and provide improvement suggestions"
✍️"Help me optimize this description, making it more vivid and specific"
🎯"Check if my essay meets the preferences of UC Berkeley"
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89%
Essay score improvement
95%
User recommendation rate
5000+
Success cases

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